I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
