and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I should be sponsored by Trojan
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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