I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
