U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I want you more than these girls want KFC
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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