Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
