I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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