the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
