we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
no you cant smoke seaweed
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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