He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
