I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
