All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
