Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
