If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
