I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
