I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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