dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
