The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
