So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
