she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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