nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
