OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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