I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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