Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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