She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
