Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
