I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
