Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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