apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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