I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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