I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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