I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it's like heaven, but drunker
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
