When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
