YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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