Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
