some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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