dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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