My sheets look like a crime scene.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
