Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me