yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
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You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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