like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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