Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
