Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid

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  (610): oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid http://tfl.nu/g7bt
  Replies (6) Good night (2254) Bad night (518)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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  (505): I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled. http://tfl.nu/wz50
  Replies (11) Good night (2891) Bad night (593)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?

  (1-705): View more from Ontario

  That would be awkward if he commented on your status

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  (705): Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom? (1-705): That would be awkward if he commented on your status http://tfl.nu/877y
  Replies (18) Good night (914) Bad night (2748)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  time to smoke my breakfast

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  (724): time to smoke my breakfast http://tfl.nu/9r0k
  Replies (13) Good night (5179) Bad night (893)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  lets call myth busters

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  (305): i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot (1-305): lets call myth busters http://tfl.nu/n34m
  Replies (23) Good night (6343) Bad night (1454)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.

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  (605): If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/jp0c
  Replies (2) Good night (2828) Bad night (724)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.

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  (978): I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek. http://tfl.nu/dtfv
  Replies (5) Good night (1657) Bad night (722)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.

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  (740): This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod. http://tfl.nu/pyaj
  Replies (9) Good night (1837) Bad night (607)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage

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  (248): No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage http://tfl.nu/6f8g
  Replies (1) Good night (502) Bad night (1317)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War

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  (704): If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War http://tfl.nu/ppmx
  Replies (1) Good night (769) Bad night (560)
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  (925): View more from California

  Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.

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  (925): Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious. http://tfl.nu/2nhd
  Replies (4) Good night (687) Bad night (1519)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.

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  (336): I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012. http://tfl.nu/82uc
  Replies (5) Good night (942) Bad night (439)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.

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  (512): Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery. http://tfl.nu/4491
  Replies (4) Good night (1220) Bad night (678)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.

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  (817): Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer. http://tfl.nu/fjqn
  Replies (6) Good night (1029) Bad night (468)
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  (760): View more from California

  He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.

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  (760): He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative. http://tfl.nu/28jo
  Replies (3) Good night (806) Bad night (272)

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