So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
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I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
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Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.