Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Why are we friends again?

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  (973): New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out.. (1-973): Why are we friends again? http://tfl.nu/4ygf
  Replies (38) Good night (1086) Bad night (3189)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet

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  (440): I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet http://tfl.nu/p3em
  Replies (27) Good night (6404) Bad night (798)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor

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  (540): I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor http://tfl.nu/zp5d
  Replies (37) Good night (3949) Bad night (1191)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.

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  (802): He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed. http://tfl.nu/y5o9
  Replies (22) Good night (6132) Bad night (1068)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.

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  (817): I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck. http://tfl.nu/i3zz
  Replies (15) Good night (7953) Bad night (1206)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

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  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3467) Bad night (5272)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?

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  (623): Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub? http://tfl.nu/jp28
  Replies (5) Good night (2227) Bad night (853)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.

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  (773): NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU. http://tfl.nu/h1az
  Replies (10) Good night (2338) Bad night (908)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't. I will literally throw up my liver

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.

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  (610): I can't. I will literally throw up my liver (484): Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume. http://tfl.nu/eh54
  Replies (2) Good night (1739) Bad night (747)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.

  (1-361): View more from Texas

  Ew! He's just a child!

  (361): View more from Texas

  AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.

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  (361): I'm okay with corrupting his young mind. (1-361): Ew! He's just a child! (361): AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE. http://tfl.nu/exs0
  Replies (46) Good night (4096) Bad night (2094)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.

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  (541): I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that. http://tfl.nu/zm0m
  Replies (3) Good night (1444) Bad night (516)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.

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  (321): Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments. http://tfl.nu/oyly
  Replies (2) Good night (972) Bad night (354)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.

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  (801): Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell. http://tfl.nu/ht90
  Replies (4) Good night (1269) Bad night (380)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha

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  (228): Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha http://tfl.nu/vrbu
  Replies (2) Good night (624) Bad night (292)
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  (805): View more from California

  How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?

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  (805): How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution? http://tfl.nu/e70o
  Replies (5) Good night (498) Bad night (299)

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