That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
