I am full of burrito and curiosity
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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