the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize