I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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