My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
