I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When are your genitals available?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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