It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
