I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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