the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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