I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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