Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
