Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Still dying that you shit outside
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
