4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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