the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the day after is always just damage control
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
