I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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