So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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