I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
