he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
