It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
