I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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