Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
