So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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