You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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