the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
