You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
