i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
