Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
