It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
