This is not my ceiling
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
