the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
