While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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