what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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