He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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