Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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